omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
