They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
