If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
