There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize