I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
