and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
