this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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