you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
