So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
