its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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