she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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