ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
