1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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