You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
