Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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