Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
