Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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