stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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