4 words: hood of his car
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Randomize
