I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We're facebook friends in real life
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
