He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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