i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
