He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
