I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
