we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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