I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
