just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
