You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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