do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
