Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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