I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
