Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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