just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
