Moan for me like Helen Keller
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
