im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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