how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
