Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
