Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
