gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
