You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
