We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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