Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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