that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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