So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
