If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
