Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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