I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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