I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
