Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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