i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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