That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
