I must be too annoying 4 u.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
