Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
