I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
