He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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