Just cropdusted the office
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
