I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
