I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
