just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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