i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
