I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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