just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
