Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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