so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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