i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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