Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
