my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
