I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
