he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i believe in u and ur pee
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
