I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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