glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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