Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
