bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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