I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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