In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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