There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize