I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Nicole vs. Life
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
