i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm sobbing to NWA
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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