I can tuck mytits in my pants
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
