I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize