Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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