that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
