i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize