I'm so fucking centered right now
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
