508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it's like iHOP with fire
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
