everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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