if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
