You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
