I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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