I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize