she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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