just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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