He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
