we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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