i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
